


Cat in a Snow Storm

by DesertPenguin



Category: Gangsta. (Manga)
Genre: Developing Friendships, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 03:33:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6313741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertPenguin/pseuds/DesertPenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Left alone in the clinic with everyone either resting or in the midsts of a emotional breakdown, Alex attempts to connect with a little lost boy. (takes place directly after chapter 40)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cat in a Snow Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Alex is so maternal, you see it with so many of the other characters she interacts with and it just makes my heart soar. So I have this crazy headcanon of her being the same with Mikhail and helping him on the process of overcoming his abandonment issues and apparent psychotic break.
> 
> I dont own Gangsta. but i am getting soooo fidelity waiting for the hiatus to finish

Worick was many things.

Easy-going.

Perverted.

Cheerful.

Caring.

Resourceful.

Dangerous.

Of all the things that Alex knew him to be, the danger element didn't entered her mind often. She knew very well from her own personal experiences how dangerous he really could be, but the rest of his character near forced you to see something else. Maybe, something that he wasn’t.

The non-tagged of Ergustulum where so conditioned to believe that the true danger was to be found in the celebre dependent non-humans that occupied the city, that it was near impossible to not absorb some of their fears.

It was in that moment, as Worick strode right passed her, that it occurred to Alex that maybe in some regards Worick should be feared more than Nicolas. Nicolas thrived of violence, fighting and a drug induced haze. With the exception of Nina, (because well… its Nina), he would not hide his character from anyone.

Whereas Worick… Worick could hide behind a deceitful smile as he pulled the trigger that killed you, then go on joking the next day.

Alex couldn’t tell if he even registered her concern as she asked after his injuries, she wondered if she had not allowed that moment of trepidation take hold of her would he have even stopped to acknowledge her had she reached out and grabbed him?

Alex chose not to dwell on such thoughts, she'd long ago acknowledged that there were parts of both Worick and Nicolas that she was unlikely to ever know about. It had saddened her to know that she would always be kept at arm's length, but she would not force for something that would ultimately push them all further apart.

Settling back against the stairs of the clinic, Alex breathed out slowly. Worick has vanished out front with that older Monroe gangsta right at his heels. Who knew what secret dealings were taking place in the city last night to have caused so much bloodshed.

Alex knew that there was a whole other side to Ergustulum that she had never been privy to, yet another of many things that Worick and Nicolas kept her away from. Although that was most definitely one thing that she would not complain about.

Unwillingly her mouth opened wide as a loud yawn escaped her, all the sudden her eyes felt heavy and dewy. She hadn't slept all night, and no wonder; if it wasn’t the pain of her swollen, and likely still swelling, hand that kept her, it was Nicolas' continuous long drawn out agony or that child's deranged mutterings as he continued to rock himself.

Alex couldn’t tell for certain what had happened to him, but having him so severely restrained left her feeling uncomfortable.

When the rest of the Monroe boys had left the same way Alex closed the door behind them, satisfied when she heard the latch lock. She wouldn’t claim to be scared, but after the night that just passed, she didn’t not want anything else to occur. Especially not at the clinic where Nicolas was still recovering.

Dr Theo was still out ensuring that Yang was properly transferred over into the right hands, and likely oversee any follow up medical examinations. He was thorough like that, even if it was done in his own disinterested manner.

Slowly going up the stair, Alex took care with each one so as not to create too much noise with her heels. Once at top of the landing she entered into Dr Theo's recovery room where there Nicolas was recovering, Nina sleeping after that rough night and the little boy Mikhail was still in a hysterical state but quietly now.

If only he'd been the same when she was trying to get a fraction of sleep.

Of the four beds in the recovery room, three were occupied and the fourth was bloodied from Yang's operation. Seeing as she was awake and unlikely to sleep anytime soon, Alex set about to slowly tidying it all away. All the sheets were binned given the awful state they were in, and the rest she wiped down superficially. Theo or Nina would have to do it properly at a later date, for now Alex just wanted to help with the worst of it.

Later she wondered into the kitchen to make herself some coffee. It wouldn’t do to be falling sleeping at ten o'clock in the morning. She was drinking her scalding cup of black coffee when her stomach growled loudly. After a quick rooting, she found three tins of black beans and quickly went about putting together a simple bean curry and rice.

It would be nothing impressive once the curry have been reduced a little, but it would be filling. Nina definitely would need it, and Nicolas if he could keep the food down. Even if he could, I'd probably only be so-so.

She chuffed at the thought and carried her coffee back to the room where everyone was. She took a seat between Nicolas' and Nina's beds, and checked on the both of them quietly. With Nina she pulled over an extra blanked when the girl shivered just the tiniest of bit. It had been getting colder these days and this one blanked was not enough. The girl briefly woke up and asked Alex for the time, but the older woman just told her 'too early' with a soft smile and Nina drifted off rapidly with Alex gently soothing her hair.

With Nina asleep and Alex checked on Nicolas, who remained completely unresponsive. Tenderly she brushed out the unkempt flops of hair that covered his one more often than not and often gave him a very menacing vibe.

Alex grinned at that thought.

Yes he was dangerous, she seen him fight; even watched the madness that takes over him when faced with an opponent that matched, or surpasses him. Yet, she'd also seen him with a cat popping out of his shirt with a bored look on his face as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Alex had witnessed the teasing nature he took up with Nina, she had seen so much fun and silliness with him that she could just not understand why she could suddenly be overcome with caution of him.

With the same care she had dealt with Nina, if not more, she took up his hand and ran the uninjured over the rough texture of his palm. She couldn’t tell what it was about his hands that comforted her so much. Hand were essential for obvious reasons, but for Nicolas they were more, they were his voice (even if most didn’t understand sign language) and they were his weapons.

And here she was wanting to monopolise them.

Shaking her head at her silliness, Alex looked up from Nicolas' and towards the kitchen knowing that at some point the beans would need to sti-

Alex caught her breath.

Mikhail had been staring at her. She only just caught his gaze briefly, but there was something about unrestrained madness that would always draw the eye. His wide red eyes could have been swirling with their lack of focus, but his gaze was very much on her.

A gloss of sweat stuck to him like a second skin despite the reasonable temperature of the room. More worryingly was the blood that had seeped right through the bandages at his ankles, likely from the insistent rocking he was doing had at some point aggravated the wound. Every so often he would splutter out a long lyrics of nonsense that she could not discern, it was then she noticed the degree at which he was shaking.

The child was terrified.

He was the very same boy that had been responsible for the massacre at Bastards the first night she had sang there. Despite his age, drastically smaller physique that child had still managed to go toe to toe with Galahad. That child would have likely killed her…

She swallowed nervously.

Alex looked away, not wanting to encourage him to continued, but even after breaking the contact her whole body edged to turn back and see if he was still staring at her.

He was.

It unnerved her, but the second time she looked back he'd finally looked away as the rambling had started up again and he gone back to rocking himself, all the while shivering.

Left feeling cripplingly uncomfortable, Alex looked back down at Nicolas. Still asleep and offering no answer to her current predicament, not that he would have offered anything more if he was conscious.

Eventually her body moved before her mind had the opportunity to catch up. She made for Theo's workstation where he kept the array of _stuff_ he used the most frequently. Namely disinfectant and bandages.

Alex had been around Benriya long enough to know how to patch up a wound decently, decently enough at least.

With all that in hand, Alex made her way towards Mikhail's bed which was for the most part secluded from the rest of the room with the exception of a slit in the curtain that gave him direct visual access towards Nicolas' bed and thus her.

Slowly, so as not to startle the boy, Alex drew back the curtains further.

He was still in the midst of his psychotic episode but it did stall momentarily as his wild eyes glanced upwards to acknowledge her arrival. With the curtains open enough, Alex pulled up the nearby chair and placed it as close as possible to his bed. Sitting down, she clutched the items in her hands tightly, not knowing when her palms had become so sweaty.

She waited out the rambling. Alex knew that she could not be able to pull him out of that without forcing him deeper and deeper into his fragmented mind.

So when the rambling slowed to an eventual halt Alex leaned forwards in her chair.

"Mikhail," she called gently, her voice softer than she had ever recalled using it. Was this how she would speak to her brother when he was younger? "Mikhail," she repeated when his attention didn’t initially divert towards her, "can I change your bandages?"

Talking to him appeared to be the worst thing she could do. His wild eyes could no longer seem to settle on a one things, whirling from her eyes to her shoulder then her hands before swirling around the room, the rocking beginning again with much more vigour. And of course, the ramblings.

"Erica.IwantErica.MochteErica.IchmochtenErica.Woistsiewarum.Ichmochetericazufinden…"

With him back to his ramblings there was no chance of her being able to get across to him what she wanted to do, and she didn't want to try start replacing the bandages for him to panic and kick out at her. 

As far as she was aware, his Achilles tendons has been sliced.

Poor child.

A poor murderous child that was likely the one responsible for much of that string of gruesome murders that has spread across the city, but, what forced a child to commit something like that.

Maybe forced wasn’t the right word. At Bastards he'd seemed more than happy to slice and kill.

It was probably better to ask, what circumstances led to him being the boy he was today? Alex could not believe that he was always as he was now, or was that wishful thinking? She'd like to believe that Nicolas was not always a sword wielding mercenary that killed with such glee, and that there might have been a time when Worick's cheer and jolliness was genuine. In the same way she's like to believe that she'd not been raped, or that her father wasn’t so isolated from her and her brother forcing her to take over the care and upbringing of Emilio.

Emilio, that name unsettled her mental state. She wouldn’t even have to say it aloud before the guilt would crash down so heavily on her, so suffocating.

But now wasn’t about Emilio. She would find him, one day, but now was about changing Mikhails bandages if she could. Small steps towards something. What exactly, she'd probably never know.

He talked of Erica a lot, that blond assassin that had also been at Bastards, she was stronger than Nicolas. From what she could gather, he would repeat the name very couple of words. She'd been a little too harsh on the boy when she'd thought of his words at senses ramblings. It was clear he wanted Erica very badly.

Another words she had picked up on him saying a few times was 'finden'. Alex didn’t want to be too quick to jump to assumptions, but she was pretty sure that meant he wanted to find someone, and that someone was very likely Erica. He spoke so quickly that it was hard to make much of the words out, but Alex was beginning to suspect that it wasn’t all gibberish.

The words were harsh, but also had an element of lyricism to them. It couldn’t be gibberish, no. Some of those words made sense. 'Finden' for one, and then she was certain she'd heard him say 'unfair' at one point.

There could be a way of unlocking this language of his and being able to communicate him. Not that she'd likely be the one smart enough to do it, she struggled enough with just sign language.

Then there was that word 'ich', he could just mean ich as in ichy, but the way it rolled of his tongue, there was something so familiar about it that irritated her mind bringing forth a headache.

She knew this feeling. Similar to the sensation she'd get before she was just about to remember something, it was as if the pain was brought out by her memorised trying to force their way past that blockade that was once the TB drug.

But nothing came of it. Alex sighed, slumping forward a little. Wide blue eyes drifting over the child whose uncontrollable actions were beginning to break her heart.

"ojeminejeminejemiejemie.dieKatzelief…"

'O Jemine'? She'd heard him repeat that one a few times now, and it was shortly followed by something that sounded suspiciously like cat, but it wasn’t 'cat' it was 'Katze'. Why did she knew that?

Now that headache was back, and it came back in force as the words 'Katze' and 'Schnee' jumped forcefully into her head.

German?

"Surely not." Alex blinked slowly, now trying to pay extra attention to his words. Surely someone else would have picked up on that. But, how did she know that? German? She'd not heard anyone around the Ergustulum speak any German, but that wasn’t to say there were none. She'd learnt German in school briefly. Well, saying she learnt it was a stretch.

She'd learnt some silly songs, one about ducklings and then there was one about some silly cat that had jumped into some snow…

"A B C, die Katze lie im Schnee."

That was the breaking point as her mind was bombarded with childhood classes in a small and busy room filled to the brim with colourful posters and toys. One of her drawings had been put up on the wall, she remember that. It was a picture of an apple tree… then they had sung various songs, that one song about a cat running into the snow.

"Und wie sie wieder raus kam. Da hatt sie wiesse Stieflein an… O jemine, jemine jemine…"

A, B, C. The cat ran into the snow, and then something about it having white booties because of it and then the cat panicking and for some reason saying 'O Jemine'. You'd think it was stuck in a snow storm for the way it had responded. 

Alex hadn't understood it as child and now she understood it even less.

Her mind was settling from the onslaught of memories to her relief, and she was quickly craving a tranquilliser. Alex forced herself to calm, taking a long sip of the coffee she'd brought with her and placed on the side table. The hot drink warming her from the inside and settling her just the slightest.

When she drew her attention back the the boy.

"Singen." He blurted out, wide eyes and looking half mad. Something he'd not done much to demonstrate otherwise.

Alex blinked. "Singen?" Has she sung before to him? Had she sung aloud that German song before? She hadn't even noticed.

"Singen!" He shouted and Alex jumped at the sudden outburst leaning forward to shush him before glancing back over at Nina. Still asleep thankfully.

"Singe, right. Sing maybe. Sing… oh." She glanced back at Mihkail, and swallowed away her nervousness. She was likely about to butcher the children's song.

"A B C, die Katze" Mihaki had quickly joined in, his voice rough and strained, "lie im Schnee, Und wie sie wieder raus kam. Da hatt sie wiesse Stieflein an. O jemine, jemine jemine…"

He was loud that Alex had to resist from flinching, cautiously making glances back at Nina to see that she hadn’t been woken by the racket that Mihkail was making.

While he had sung, there had been little sparks of that unconstrained happiness of his, the same he expressed when butchering defenceless Twilights.

It vanished when Alex didn’t join in with the second verse, she couldn’t remember that much of the song. His gaze turned hard as he sang it again. "A, B, C, die Katze lief zur Hoh."

Alex could only smile gently and shrug. "I don’t know that bit."

His face dropped and she swore she saw his bottom lip quiver. He continued to stare at her with those large eyes of his, they were softer now. His gaze seemed more focused, more controlled as if he was finally beginning to take in his surroundings.

She continued to watch him stare at her with those wide red tired eyes for some time before he gave a long slow blink. "Sie sprechen…" and then a bunch of other words she didn’t really catch nor understood, but 'sprechen' she did understand.

Shaking her head furiously while waving her hands. "Nein… nein sprechen?" It sounded nothing like the way he had said it, but hopefully it made sense and he would soon resume speaking in English.

He went quiet, continuing to observe her silence. He'd stopped the rocking at least, but not the shivering.

"Erica?"

Alex blinked and wet her lips. "Erica's not here right now."

"When?"

"I don’t know. Maybe later," gods she hoped not.

His eyes wavered, his bottom lip began quivering again then the shivering intensified as a quiet sob escaped him.

"Why?" He stammered out as she slow rocking began again. "Why did Erica leave?" Fat tears began to roll down cheeks, merging with the sheen of sweat already coating him. Maybe he was feverish? Would that explain it?

"I don’t know, Mikhail. I'm sorry." Had Erica left him? Alex didn’t know, all she was aware of was that he'd been brought in with Yang and Nicolas. But if she had, had he been deserted by the group responsible for these attacks?

With his feet at they were now, Alex really could not foresee him fighting the way he previously did. If she recalled correctly his feet were his dominant weapon, but now with those tendons of his he would probably be struggling to just walk. Fighting would be out of the picture for some time before he got accustomed to it.

Was that reason enough to abandoned him? Alex couldn't have foreseen him as an easy child to control, petulant and prone to outbursts, violent outbursts at that. With him now incapacitated, was he no longer worth the hassle?

Poor child, a lost soul much like her own. Disposable creature, much like she had been.

The heavy smell of beans wafted her way and Alex cursed. She'd forgotten about the food, and her hunger. It must have been gone eleven. Still hours too early for lunch, but it would have to do.

Standing and beginning to make her way to the kitchen she was startled to a pause by Mikhail parroting back her curse. "Shit! Scheisse! Scheisse!" He looked ecstatic, bounding in his spot as he leaned towards her. He was being aloud again and Alex tried to shush him to no avail. "Scheisse! Scheisse! Scheisse!

Breathing in a deep breath, Alex made her way back to his bed with her hands up and trying to quieten him again. "Please Mikhail, you'll wake everyone." Keeping her voice soothing so that he might follow her lead.

He was bouncing and leaning so far out that he was about to fall right out of the bed and Alex had to dive to get there and stop him from doing so, accidentally kicking the chain in the process and making even more of a racket.

Alex had her arms wrapped around him as she put the now suddenly quiet boy back on the bed. Releasing him enough to hold him at arm's length, Alex gave him a funny smile. "Carefully silly, you could have hurt yourself."

He blinked slowly up at her. "Scheisse."

Alex then gave him a gentle hard look. "And don’t think I don’t know what the means. Young boys shouldn’t say such words."

His eyes vanished behind scrunched up lids and when they opened again he was looking away from her. Alex chuckled at his act, unconsciously brushing away a soft flop of hair covering his eyes. In a way he did sort of look a little like Nicolas, especially those teeth. Those red eyes darted back instantly at her before he was biting his bottom lip and then looking away again.

A bit of laughter bubbled up from her. Such a silly child.

A silly murderous child. Her previous uncertainty of the boy came crashing back. Was it really so easy to forget that he was a murderer?

Swallowing away her sudden uncertainty, Alex crouched down to his level figuring she could leave the food for just a second. "Mihkail. Do you want to eat?" Making the motions for putting food to her mouth.

Her frowned for a second, before looking away briefly, then back again to her. He gave her a small nod. "Ja."

"Good. I'm just going to get food. Can you be quiet for just a moment?"

He nodded again.

"Good boy."

Slowly she rose back to her feet, stretching her back. Despite him looking like was only a little younger than Nina, he acted considerable younger. She hadn't had to treat someone like this since Emilio was six? It was hard to put ages to the vague memories.

Turning, Alex made for the kitchen when Mikhail gave her pause.

"No," he spoke it so softly. His eyes so intense as they caught hers. If his arms weren't so tightly bound, Alex felt like he might had been holding them out like an infant would.

Did he… did he want to come with her?

Alex blanched a little, he was certainly an odd child. Now at a loss, Alex looked around, she couldn't carry him to the kitchen, she wasn’t strong enough. If there was just something li-

Ah, she remembered seeing one! Over there in the corner near Theo's desk, she'd noticed it earlier. A folded wheelchair.

Making her way over to it, she heard him once again tell her "No," only this time louder and a little more desperate.

"It's okay, I'll be right back Mikhail." She whispered back over to him, on her way glancing over to Nina to check that either of them had woken the resting little nurse. Unfolding the wheelchair, she rolled it over to Mikhail's bed.

"I'm going to pick you up now." Alex informed him. And he gave a small nod of confirmation.

It a great deal of effort on her part, Alex managed to pick up the ten year old and plunk him down in the chair. When she had, a wave of tiredness overcame her and she was left crouching at his level for a moment. "Did I hurt you?"

He shook his head.

"Good."

With even more effort, she stoop and rounded the wheelchair. Mikhail's eyes followed her the entire way.

Gripping the handle bars, she rolled him towards the kitchen where he beans were probably reduced now to a paste. Not her favourite way to eat a bean curry, but food was food.

Once in the kitchen, Alex had to pour over a glass of water into the pot so that she could try and unstick all the curry at the bottom and loosen up. After some vigorous stirring, she added the additional chopped vegetables she'd left at the side and stirred them in.

Further down the counter was the rise cooker that had clicked onto the keep warm mode as the rise was cooked. Pulling off the lip while taking care not to get hit by the steam, Alex dished out a big spoonful of rice into two bowl. Putting the bowl down on the counter near the hobs, Alex stirred the curry a little longer before dolloping a generous portions into both bowls. 

Turning the heat of the hobs and pulling the pot off the heated one, Alex put its lid on and left it. Opening one draw she pulled out two spoon and shoved them into the bows before turning to Mikhail who had been watching her quietly for the couple of minutes that she had been fiddling about in the kitchen.

Putting the bowls down on the small kitchen table Alex wheeled him over and sat on a chair adjacent to him. Alex had already accepted the fact that with him so heavily restrained she'd have to be the one to feed him. As much as the more tender part of her wanted to release him, it was not going to happen till at least Nicolas was back on his feet again or Worick was back. Of which Alex feared only one of those was going to happen.

"Mikhail. Tell me if it's too hot for you." Spooning a decent amount of rice and curry.

He nodded again, the quietness from the boy who had been so loud till now beginning to unsettle her. She tried to wonder idly what it was that was running through his mind right then, but it was likely a darkly warped place that she had no place wondering after.

Holding out the spoon she made to feed him but he turned his head away, quickly and leaned in backwards. Alex dropped the spoon into the bowl as she watched him open and close his mouth in confusion.

He pulled his chin in backwards, repeating again. "Mikhail." Then thrust his chin outwards as he looked at her.

Realisation daunting on her, she replied. "Alex."

"Alex." The tongue rolled over the name slowly, testing it out, before he looked back and repeated. "Alex."

She nodded once with brief smile at the bizarreness of it all. Here she was about to feed one of the people responsible for killing, dozens of twilights at Bastards that one awful night. Including the parent of that small baby she had held.

"Come on, eat up." Holding out the spoon again for him to eat from. But for a second time he held his head backwards from her and she dropped the spoon. He wasn’t going to be _that_ similar to Nicolas and start judging her food was he.

No, it turned out. As he opened his mouth and said. "Danke, Alex."

**Author's Note:**

> I originally thought Mikhail was a german name, then found out it was russian. But I made the kiddo german, cus It was easier for me. I know nothing about russian language at all and it would have been more unlikely to alex to know it. I dunno, german just seemed a little more realistic to me.


End file.
